Top 10 Dumbest Retcons in Comic Book History

1. Why has one more day not been undone? Why does nobody wanna fix this crap created by a crybaby fanboy of a single spider-man?

2. Flashpoint/The New 52 should be number one. It made clear that DC learned nothing from Crisis on Infinite Earths. Flashpoint was clearly intended to have the same impact as Crisis, but Crisis really accomplished diddly squat except set the stage for the individual book titles to work out their own retcons. Admittedly, it took almost 5 years to really work out the kinks (such as the indecision on whether Green Arrow and Wonder Woman served on the JSA, and, of course, Power Girl’s origin), but it gave us some of the best stories the DC characters had in years. In short, we accepted the retcons and, for at least twenty years, it was gospel, with no need for a quick-fix because everyone was on the same bandwagon. Well, except for the Legion of Super Heroes, which has always been temporally fluid, shall we say.

   Then, we got Flashpoint. There was no indication from the story itself that it WAS intended to be a Crisis-level retcon, but suddenly, we’re all in the much maligned and much f*cked-up New 52 with no indications how we got there and no opportunity for the individual books to work out what DID happen. DC never showed us how everything changed and why; it was a total fait acompli — this is your DC universe, live with it or lump it. DC never allowed the original books to work out their own kinks, like they did after Crisis, and then no one seemed to have any idea what to do with the characters except give their costumes unnecessary flares. Then, DC bounced from one release of new books, cancelling them before they could go anywhere with their storylines, then another release that may completely contradict what the first release did.

   The New 52 destroyed any continuity with the past, making it appear that the DC Universe began in 2011 and whatever happened before then is irrelevant and not important. DC seemed so confused about what should have happened that they did retcon after retcon after retcon to make SOME sense of it, nearly all of which failed miserably. Finally, we got Rebirth, which turned out to be too little, far too late. Suddenly we had fifteen Supermen, four or five Batmen, and a “suddenly she’s there” origin of Lana Lang that didn’t match what happened before and made no sense when she suddenly showed up with super powers. And what the heck was going on with Lois Lane and Clark Kent anyway?

   In the end, all DC accomplished was to completely alienate old DC fans while failing to satisfy new ones. And all of it stemmed from Flashpoint and the damnable New 52. And THAT’s why I consider Flashpoint/The New 52 to be the worst retcon ever. Even worse than Spider-Man’s “Deal with the Devil,” since, once THAT got ironed out, it gave us some pretty good Spider-Man stories (okay, up to The Superior Spider-Man, which was a WTF moment of the highest level). But then, it also gave us Peter “Young Tony Stark” Parker, which I thought was incredibly stupid).

3. I had an idea for a while involving One More Day, what if the spirit of Uncle Ben showed up? What if he told Peter to let May rest in piece which would mean they’ll be reunited in the afterlife, would he listen to Uncle Ben?

4. One More Day needs to be retconned and Joe Quesada needs to make a public apology for being an idiot and ruining Peter Parker’s life worse than any villian!

5. Haven’t bought a Spider-Man Comic since the One More Day storyline.

6. Wait so Spider Man makes a deal with Mafisto to end his marriage with MJ for Aunt May’s life?? That’s retarded, Aunt May gonna kick the bucket sooner or later!

7. Spider-Man Clone Saga needs to be dishonorably mentioned. Superior Spider-Man turned me off from my favorite super hero’s comics just as quickly as The Clone Saga & post-One More Day (haven’t been back since): I didn’t read it = I can’t say that it was dumb.

8. The Beyonder

9. New 52 sucked ass for the most part, but not as much as Spider-Man’s magic divorce.

10. Watch my video plzzzzzzz

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